The Journey of Self-Knowledge and the Invisible Wounds of Childhood

Many of the traumas we experienced in childhood and adolescence were never acknowledged as such. We grew up hearing phrases like “let it go,” “it’s nothing,” or were forced to forgive situations we didn’t fully understand. In these cases, forgiveness wasn’t something that came from the soul — it was demanded to maintain a false sense of peace. But inside, something remained unresolved.

In an effort to protect our emotional integrity, our minds and bodies create defenses. We bury deep pain, normalize subtle (or explicit) forms of harm, and move forward believing everything is fine. But over time, life begins to reveal what was left unhealed. What we didn’t process shows up as emotional blocks, insecurities, repeated patterns, fear of intimacy, or a constant sense of not being enough.

Maturity and self-awareness invite us to revisit those experiences with clarity. We begin to realize that what once seemed like a “minor incident” left deep marks. That the lack of validation or the distortion of our truth shaped us in ways we couldn’t see back then. And that the untreated wounds of our younger selves continue to influence how we see ourselves and relate to others.

Validating our pain is an act of courage. It’s not about living in the past — it’s about facing it with honesty. And when we allow space for this, healing can finally begin. Forgiveness — if it comes — is no longer an external demand but a genuine choice, made in our own time, without guilt or pressure.

Forgiveness is not forgetting or justifying. It’s about recognizing the impact of what we went through, without denying the pain. It’s a liberation that begins within, not a favor to someone else. Sometimes, forgiveness is a quiet process that unfolds slowly, as we grow strong enough to release the weight we’ve carried. Other times, it doesn’t come at all — and that’s okay. Because what matters more than forgiving is self-compassion. And when we allow that, the heart naturally opens — even to forgiveness — without force.

Self-knowledge is just that: returning to the past with adult eyes, to retrieve the forgotten parts of ourselves. It’s not about blame — it’s about freedom. Not about dwelling — but about understanding. And only when we embrace our story with love and truth can we rewrite it — lighter, fuller, and more whole.

Milene Couto Silva Bendixen